


Her Beloved Soul

by drippingwithsin



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, F/F, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-13 00:01:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,750
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4499907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/drippingwithsin/pseuds/drippingwithsin
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>How do you let go of your one true love?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Her Beloved Soul

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this a while back so it's not my best work and it's not a happy fic at all so I won't get mad if you don't like it.  
> The song is The Haunting by Kamelot. It's a gorgeous song and I recommend listening to it before you read this.

_**Set** : Ten years after the first season._

* * *

 

The full moon's light shown through the curtain lace blanketing the small room with its pale glow and illuminating the one lone figure occupying it. On the cool hardwood floor, with her knees drawn up tightly to her heaving chest Regina's shoulders shook as fat tears left silvery trails down smooth tan cheeks. It had been one unbelievably long year since she had last seen her beloved but still the pain refused to budge.

Cuts sliced so deeply across an anguished heart still wept for  _her_ and the tears of agony seemed never-ending. When would it cease? Will it ever? Truth be told she really did not want the pain to fade or the wounds to heal.  _No,_  she _wanted_  to be reminded of her. She remembered when Queen Eva died, how the kingdom wept but not even a month afterward had seemed to have forgotten she even existed.

She would not, could not, forget  _her_  like that. _No, not her. Never her._

 _Emma._ How she longed to caress that silky pale skin, hear that smooth voice whisper in her ear, and smell that sweet musky scent of leather and cinnamon that was so simply Emma just once more. Why did she have to leave? Why did that man have to get on the road after drinking so much? Questions, so many questions still left forever unanswered.

 _Merely the sound of your voice_  
_Made me believe that that you were her_  
_Just like the river disturbs_  
_My inner peace_

"Regina?" A voice cut through the darkness like a razor's edge causing Regina's head to snap up and just for a minute, one glorious minute she could swear it was  _her._  She squinted against the darkness and peered at the figure for a moment. "Em," Regina whispered then shook her head manically, tightening the hold around her legs _No, No, No,_   _it couldn't be her_. Emma was gone.  _Gone forever_ She added swallowing against the tightness in her throat. "Regina." The voice softly called out again and the figure moved closer.

 _Once I believed I could find_  
_Just a trace of her beloved soul_  
_Once I believed she was all_  
_Then she smothered my believes_

"Snow?" She managed to croak out, wincing at the rough way it sounded.

"Yes," The younger woman confirmed moving forward once again until she was standing directly in front of Regina. "I haven't heard from you in months. How have you been?"

Regina darted her eyes away looking everywhere and anywhere in the room besides Snow.  _Gods,_  She couldn't talk to Snow right now or ever for that matter. "Regina, please look at me." Snow softly pleaded. When she was met with reluctance, Snow carefully reached down, cupping the trembling chin of the older woman in a warm hand and gently lifted her head. Patiently, she waited for those whiskey colored irises her daughter fell in love with all those years ago to lock onto hers. "Talk to me." Regina heard the words but could not for the life of her form a single word.

"Talk to me." Snow repeated, running her thumb back and forth over Regina's cheek. "Please."

 _One cold winter's night_  
_I may follow her voice to the river_  
_Leave me now and forever_  
_Leave while you can_

"I...I," She tried but came up short. Her eyes scanned over the younger form. From the shape of the chin to the pair of soft sea green eyes now peering down at her; all Regina could see was  _her._  Pain slammed into an already broken heart. Mentally she cursed the Gods themselves for agitating fresh wounds and ripping open old ones. She turned her gaze elsewhere knowing that even a mere glimpse of the younger woman now would only cause more agony.

"'Gina?"

At the sound of the long forgotten nickname Regina's face twisted into a snarl. "Don't call me that! Only Em.." She choked on the name unwilling to come out of her mouth.

Snow dug her well-manicured nails slightly into soft skin. "Why do you do this to yourself!?" Regina's eyes hardened and she jerked her head out of the younger woman's grasp.

"Leave!"

"I will not! Not until I can get through to you."

Regina jolted upward, pushing the younger woman out of the way, she swiftly made her way to the window where she crossed her arms and peered out into the night, not willing to look the other woman in the eye. Noticing that although the moon still shown in the distance she could just make out the dark edges of storm clouds approaching "I said leave."

Ignoring her, Snow raged onward. "You think you're the only one who feels the pain!? You think you're the only one who's lost someone. I had my only child and the love of my life ripped away from me in one night. My family is gone, Regina!" She screamed then clamped a hand over her mouth sobbing uncontrollably.

Regina closed her eyes tightly in a vain attempt to block out the words and a mother's gut wrenching cries but quickly reopened when hauntingly familiar faces flashed across her mind's eye. She suddenly felt ashamed. In all her grief she'd somehow forgotten that Snow had lost so much more than her. Charming; Snow's one true love had been in that car too but right now in her desperate need to hide, Regina decided to try to throw the woman off.

"Henry?"

Across the room Snow's pale face hardened. "Oh don't you  _dare_  bring his name into this like you care."

Regina gritted her teeth and curled fingers into fists. "And don't you dare presume that I don't care about my son."

Snow snorted mirthlessly. "Did you know he tried to call you on his twenty first birthday but couldn't reach you."

"I...I

"He called me in tears, Regina. He..He told me that he felt as though he did not just lose one mother that day he lost both."

Feeling the all too familiar salty sting at the corners of each of her eyes, Regina swallowed hard pushing down the grief making enough room for pride to shine through. Violently she spun around away from the window. "Why can't you just leave me alone!" She screamed, waving her hand sharply through the air she sent a chair flying across the room to the wall directly next to Snow where it exploded sending splinters of wood and chunks of cushion raining down over the White Queen, still though she remained. Regina knew if she left now that all would be lost "Can't you see I just want to be left alone." She added in a low whisper.

Slowly, Snow approached the broken woman as if she were a frightened animal.

 _Somewhere in time I will find you and haunt you again_  
_Like the wind sweeps the earth_  
_Somewhere in time when no virtues are left to defend_  
_You've fallen deep_

Those haunted green orbs scanned over the brunette and a soft warm one hand reached out taking the one still crackling with magic. "Regina, you have to move on. You can not keep living like this." Regina opened her mouth then closed it, swallowing the large lump forming deep within her throat. "I can't! Not-not without her."

"She would want you to move on." 

 _I was a liar in every debate_  
_I rule the forces that fueled your hate_  
_When the cold in my heart leaves, it comes to an end_  
_And quietly I'll go to sleep_

She knew what the younger woman said was true. She had to move on but how could she? Emma was her love, her heart, her everything she simply could not move on without her.

 _How could that first time recur_  
_When memories linger on and on_  
_What made me think you were her_  
_Helena is dead to all_  
_dead to all_

Regina closed her eyes as memories from the past flashed through her mind like a bittersweet movie reel. The first time they met, their first date, the first time they made love, their wedding, and then finally that horrible day when Emma smiled and kissed her lips goodbye for the last time.

* * *

 _Standing in the entrance way of the mansion, Regina smiled_   _warmly at her wife before leaning forward_   _and kissing her cheek._   _"Goodbye, my darling, do try not to get into too much trouble_   _with your father_."  _She teased, giving her a mock stern glare.  
_

_The younger woman snorted and rolled her eyes. "No promises."  
_

_Placing a hand on her hip, Regina raised an eyebrow._

_"Okay, okay." Emma threw her hands up in surrender. "We will, now it's late and I need to get going before Dad starts blowing up my phone." She quickly leaned forward giving Regina a lingering peck on the lips. "I love you."  
_

_"I love you too." Regina whispered back and watched as the blonde turned making her was to the old yellow bug waiting in the driveway._

* * *

__Two hours later, Regina's world was torn from her when a_  knock at the door sounded throughout the house awaking the brunette from one of her rare naps. Groggy and not at all happy about being woken up, she trudged to the door and yanked it open it only to reveal Ruby standing there in her uniform but that's not what made her heart to drop, it was the pure agony twisting those normally beautiful facial features.  
_

_Something was wrong she could feel it deep within her being. "Who?" She asked in a shaky voice._

_"Re-Regina." The young deputy dropped her head and took a deep ragged breath. "I'm so sorry, Regina."_

_When the words reached her ears an overwhelming sense of dread washed over her. "Who was it?" She stepped forward and grabbed the younger woman by the shoulders, shaking her roughly. "Tell me! Was it Emma? Is she okay? Tell, me goddamn you!"_

_"Tw-Two hours ago there was an accident. A drunk driver came out of nowhere. Emma didn't see him...she and Charming didn't make it. "  
_

_The rest she couldn't make out for the white noise in her ears. Emma was dead, impossible she just seen her not more than...Two...two hours ago..No. There had to be a mistake._ _"Are you sure?"_ _Her voice was desperate, verging on hysteria as she shook the woman weakly. "_ _Are you absolutely sure it was Emma?"_

_Red cried harder and nodded in conformation._

_Regina's mouth fell open but not a single word came out. No, no, no, not Emma. Not Emma. Please, God, no. The pain was too much. Her heart throbbed in agony. Spots danced in front of her eyes and her stomach retched. Not Emma. Please. She let out a heartbreaking wail. "No! Please, not Emma. Tell me it's not her. Please oh God tell me it's not her, Red."  Regina pleaded, making the deputy now holding onto her sob and clutch her harder._

_"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Regina."_

_Too weak to stand any longer she sank to her knees on the porch with the equally sobbing younger woman holding her._

* * *

Back then, she couldn't seem to wrap her mind around the fact Emma was gone and now a year later she still couldn't. Everyday a presence was felt in the dark mayoral mansion. She felt her, she seen her, and every once in awhile she could swear she heard her sweet voice.

 _Nothing can bring her to life_  
_Don't pretend that I'll be loving you_  
_Once I believed she was gone_  
_I corrupted from within_

At that very thought she felt a pair of warm arms wrap around her in a tight embrace and for the second time that night she thought she had her Regina back. Regina nuzzled the other woman's neck. "Why did you leave me, Emma?" She whispered so low that Snow barely heard her. "Shh, Regina, it's me Snow."

Regina pushed her away a little and furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. "Snow?"

"Yes, Regina, it's me remember."

The older woman blinked rapidly nodding her head in acknowledgement. Regina racked a shaking hand through raven locks. "Gods, what the hell is wrong with me!?" She cried out embedding sharp nails deep within the skin of her scalp. "I feel like I'm going mad."

"Hey, stop that." Gentle hands reached up and gripped hers, prying them away before they could do anymore damage.

"I..I just wish I could feel anything but this pain." She murmured. 

Letting go of Regina's hands, Snow turned to peer out the window and sighed. "Even in grief we're opposites." She let out a small mirthless laugh. "Because I just want to feel something-anything-for once. I'm so tired of the numbness that some-"  Snow let out a ragged breath and swallowed thickly. "Sometimes I even wish I could feel the pain once again. Anything but this. I feel as though I'm submerged in a tank full of ice water with no way out and I just keep clawing towards the surface but all I get is pushed down farther, into the cold, into the darkness."

Snow's dull lifeless green orbs moved back to meet pleading brown ones and suddenly the two realized just how close they were. Breaths mingling with one another, one smelling of scotch the other of wine tickling each others mouths. Slowly as if pulled by some sort of force their heads moved closer and closer to each other before finally full lips met pink thin ones in a sweet bitter kiss.

Rapidly the kiss deepened becoming rougher and more demanding. Tongue slid against tongue in a sensual last dance. Breathing became heavy, and lips moved away from each other to get some much needed oxygen. Forehead pressed against forehead as Snow reached underneath the older woman and lifted her, carefully placing her on the window seal.

Back tightly laid against the cool glass, Regina wrapped her long legs around the younger woman's waist, using them to pull her unbelievably close.

Snow's hand ghosted its way from the brunette's face to the hem of her pajama pants and with one swift she slid inside cotton panties to hot wetness then with one quick move the younger woman slipped two fingers forcefully inside. Regina moaned as shots of pleasure coursed through her body chasing away the anguish and the sorrow causing her back to arch into a hunter's bow. Hearing the older woman's moan, Snow began to slowly thrust in and out and after a few minutes the speed picked up into a rough pounding motion. Back painfully hitting the window, Regina barely noticed as a deep tingle announced the climax rising within. Her eyelids slipped tightly shut as memories flashed behind them of loosely curled blonde hair, roaming fingers, and a husky voice whispering sweet nothings within her ear.

Then finally the raging sea hit its peak and crashed, wave upon wave of pleasure washed over her body. Cleansing it, reviving it, driving away the agony. Regina threw her head back, screaming a name that's haunted her daily for months now. "Emma!" 

 _Leave leave me for now and forever_  
_Leave what you can_

After a while when her rapidly beating heart finally calmed and the pulsating between her trembling thighs ceased, Regina felt guilt's poisonous tentacles begin to creep within her, prying away all the joy and love she just felt away. Gods, what had she done? Tears trailed agonizingly slow paths down twisted features. "Go!" Snow didn't say a word just wrapped her arms around the brunette and hung onto the shaking form while she broke down.

 _Somewhere in time I will find you and haunt you again_  
_Like the wind sweeps the earth_  
_Somewhere in time when no virtues are left to defend_  
_You've fallen deep_

Arms wrapped around each other, the two women huddled in the darkness, absorbing what warmth their bodies cast off. Yes, they knew it was wrong but neither one of them dared to acknowledge it because just for one night Regina had  _her_ back and just for one night Snow felt again. In the silence, they could hear the muffled rumbling of thunder and cracking of dry lightning drawing nearer, signaling the change, the beginning, and more importantly the end.

 _I was a liar in every debate_  
_I rule the forces that fueled your hate_  
_When the cold in my heart leaves, it comes to an end_  
_Quietly now go to sleep_

* * *

 

_**END** _

 

**Author's Note:**

> I added the "Are you sure?" part because my great aunt who I was close to died not too long ago due to a massive heart attack and that's what I kept asking when they told me. She wasn't even that old only in her early sixties but she was so full of life. Hard losing someone even harder losing someone suddenly.  
> Anyways as always I take prompts for all femslash pairings rather they be young and old, related, or just a rarity you want to see done I'll write it.


End file.
